hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
