They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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