I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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