Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize