Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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