I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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