i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
