we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
