I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
