I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
