Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
