I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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