Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
