The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
