Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
