Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize