Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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