I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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