Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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