I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
