I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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