I met the friendliest cop last night
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
