Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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