You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize