something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
