Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
