Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
