she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
