I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
