As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
