Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
