I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
