I wish I could teleport
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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