Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
