It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
