i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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