Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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