i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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