Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
