Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
