she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
