Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
