i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
