A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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