I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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