So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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