I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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