these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
