Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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