Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
