well I can't set my house on fire every night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
