I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I met the friendliest cop last night
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
