carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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