just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My dick has a subreddit
Bring me that man meat
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
