you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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