another moral hangover. fuck.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Even my vagina gasped.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
