I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
not ubering you a puppy
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
