Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
