five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Found your dick twin last night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
