They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Fuck appropriateness.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
