Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I need to calm my uterus...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
