I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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