dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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