I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
