Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
