woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
