The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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