bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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