If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
