totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
