Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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