I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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