Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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