It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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